Stop me if you’ve heard this one
Daddy I’m full
Ok, but the kitchen is closed for the night
(after cleaning up dinner)
Daddy I’m hungry
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ME: let’s do some lines do you have a dollar bill?
GUY: *pulls out wallet to reveal a badge* bad news buddy
ME: yeah you can’t snort anything with that
Jealousy will be your downfall, though other people will have better-looking, more successful downfalls.
god: we need some ideas for sharks
angel that loves whales: what about whale sharks
god: kinda similar to your last idea. anyone else?
angel that loves tigers: you should make a tiger shark
god: dammit does anyone have anything original
angel that hates nails: i have an idea
person on twitter: I’m being attacked right now!
me (played a lot of Age of Empires 2 in my formative years): im sending you some crossbowmen
My revenge for being designated driver is putting my car seat warmers on high and convincing my drunk friends that they pee’d in their pants
A little poetry never killed anybody. But haiku keeps trying.
He was a satyr boy
She said see you later boy
He wasn’t goat enough for her
Don’t know whether to be disturbed or enchanted that the word sesquipedalian is onomatopoetic
Give me your water, Human!