@SaraESpivey
@therealeatwood
CASHIER: Your total is $18.54
ME: A fine year!
CASHIER (WHO IS BLACK): Was it
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@therealeatwood
@marbletonemedia
I forgot my earphones this morning and for a moment I thought wouldn’t it be great if my audio book had subtitles
@louisvirtel
The worst scene in La La Land is when Emma Stone gives Ryan Gosling permission to save jazz because she already solved racism in The Help.
@realHamOnWry
I got up at 3am this morning. I think that happens as you get older because you want to make sure you haven’t died in your sleep.
@mompsychologist
6yo has two pregnant Barbies and one Ken doll. You could cut the tension in the Barbie camper with a tiny stiletto.
@chrisdelia
Guy – “Hey are you famous?”
Me – “No.”
Guy – “Oh you look like this comedian.”
Me – “I don’t speak English.”
Guy – “Oh! Where are you from?”
Me – “The Ukraine.”
Guy – “My father is Ukrainian.”
Me – “Oh, then I’m from Spain.”
@man_spach
“I’m sorry I could never do that for you,” said the cat sulking away after catching me on the internet looking at pics of cats in space.
@torrami
I don’t like coconut so I don’t eat coconut. I don’t follow coconut around criticizing its texture or taste or tweets or sense of humor.
@blaha_Who
Drive me up the wall, so I know you’re 4 wheel