Our wedding pic looks like my wife’s selfie photo bombed by me.
Only people who’ve walked into a sliding glass door can laugh when a bird crashes into a window. Everyone else who does it is a racist.
You Might Also Like
Mrs. Rabbit: Hello?
Mr. McGregor: Your kid’s in my yard again.
Mrs. Rabbit: Oh i’m so sorry, is he-
Mr. McGregor: yea he’s naked
A $7 voucher at the airport is like having 100 skeeball tickets at Chuck E Cheese: it sounds good on paper but won’t get you anything decent
Don’t believe in aliens, huh? Explain how people in the 1800s got on top of those bicycles with the huge front wheels.
I don’t need money to buy happiness. I’m already happy. I just want the monies.
“I’m gonna make a cool new social media site for college kids, but only for a few years. Then it’ll be a mom scrapbook” ~ Mark Zuckerberg
My… My daughters built a slug hospital and found 30+ “patients” who are now escaping and nothing in the parenting books prepared me for this.
Venmo me $20 and I will comment “yikes” on an enemy’s Instagram picture of your choosing
Theravada Monks purge all their earthly possessions to express their faith and pursue spiritual stillness of mind. I did it because fleas.
People who argue on their cell phones in public should have to do it on speakerphone so the rest of us can get both sides