Picture someone you think is kinda/sorta attractive.
Now picture them holding a pizza box.
oooh pretty wing tattoos on your back, do they symbolize how you have no idea how big wings need to be to carry your weight
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“The first rule of Fight Club is: You do not talk-”
“-actually, you know what, Greg? It’s manners. The first rule is manners.”
Karate chopping hand holding couples’ hands apart at the mall
Me: Don’t fall in love with me doll face. I’m no good for you; I’m bad news.
Her: No problem. Here’s your change. Pull up to the next window.
teacher: what have you all chosen for your thesis
hippocrates: I’m laying the ground work for centuries of modern medicine
socrates: I am examining what it means to be
ptolemy: uh you guys ever uh notice how those stars look like a bear
“I don’t have to outrun the bear! Just you!” Wrong. Bears are so sick of that joke, they skip the slow guy and eat the fast guy now.
Her: I’ve had gray hairs since I was 16.
Me: I got my grays after I got married.
Hubs: I CAN HEAR YOU!
Me: AND I LOVE MY GRAYS, HONEY!
I have decided I will never get down to my original weight. Besides 7.5 pounds is unrealistic anyway.
Why is it always spiders? Why can’t I eat chicken wings in my sleep?