“So where are you from?”
– I’m a Liberian
“Oh sorry *whispers* where are you from?”
oooh pretty wing tattoos on your back, do they symbolize how you have no idea how big wings need to be to carry your weight
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Its like grandma said,
You’re not crazy when you sleep
Ben: I’m trying to read, you’re in my light
Me: Because I am a Solo eclipse!
Ben: Dad I swear to-
Me: I am blocking the light of the son!
If gym equipment were invisible, then gyms would look like silent raves.
*spins in circles*
*gets stuck in corner*
*spins in circle*
[Me playing Call of Duty with my son]
God: *creates oceans*
Lucifer: I SEA what you did there LOL
God: Get out
The girl in front of me googled “med school GPA” and then immediately after googled “what can I do with a biology degree”.
I have witnessed someone face reality.
If you can name four Metallica songs, you are in Metallica.
GF: [to rich guy] So what do you do?
RICH GUY: I race horses for a living
ME: Do you ever beat them?
The person with duct tape holding most of their car together always has the right-of-way.