@iamWillemDafoe: oooh pretty wing tattoos on your back, do they symbolize how you have no idea how big wings need to be to carry your weight
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@AmberTozer: Friend: Look on the bright side Me: [walks away] Friend: Where are you going Me: To talk to someone who doesn't say shit like that
@JJSummertime: My kid actually changed her sheets today but only because the old ones desperately crawled to the laundry room on their own.
@DirtMcTurd: Two things you need to know about me: 1. I am hung over. 2. Sometimes I say the word over for no reason.
@DammitLarry1: The Fat Girl's Guide To The Zombie Apocalypse: If you see me running & there's no ice cream truck in front of me..you should run too.