@PortRooster

OOO!

XOX.

XXX!!

– Reviews for “TicTacToe, The Movie”

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@haleysfalling

bought candy at the movies and suddenly i can’t pay this months rent anymore

@rebrafsim

Interviewer: what’s your greatest weakness?

Me: I use bad words

Interviewer: *laughing* that’s okay, we’re pretty tolerant around here

Me: well that’s extrusively marblous to hear

@eugene_bosco

Life is not a FAIRY TALE.
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@Drytown1

Stranger: You should really cover your face w/a mask, pal.

Me: Oh, because of the virus?

Stranger: Huh? Oh, uh, yeah. Sure.

@matt___nelson

[getting escorted out of zoo] “I just wanted to see if the panda knew kung fu like in the movie”

@TheUnderfold

Everyone: Don’t post Endgame spoilers or I’ll kill your family.

Also everyone: Wow here’s how the latest episode of Game of Thrones ended two seconds ago!

@BoomBoomBetty

[calculating calories]

Breakfast: 300
Lunch: 500
Dinner: 700
Snacking while preparing dinner: 8,374

@DonQuickoats

I wear a monogrammed bathrobe but only when I’m mowing the lawn

@KalvinMacleod

Wolverine: [sharpening his claws] so what’s your super power?

Me: I am good at rearranging letters to form new words

Wine lover: [taking a sip of merlot] I’ll drink to that

@Carbosly

“We had to let him go. He was only pulling 15 times his weight.”

– Corporate ants.