*Open up, police!!*


You Might Also Like


“Try to score a goal. Don’t use your hands. See you afterwards.” – Soccer coaches


SciFi Future:
Everything beeps and blinks.

Actual Future:
How do I make everything stop beeping and blinking?


Ha, I told my brother that carbon had seven protons and he believed me. He was mean to me when we were kids.


“Hey honey”

*drags a cigarette*

“have you ever”

*drinks some scotch*

“slept with a guy”

*sucks a lollipop*

“with three arms?”


M: I just can’t find the words.

H: She’s kidding, give her a minute.


you’ve seen bao and you’ve seen pizza, but you might have not seen 包砸 #baozza


I want this election to be over so badly you’d think it was a friend’s play.