Opened the bathroom cupboard and a bunch of feminine hygiene products fell out on me.

It was a tampede.

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“Take me with you,” I whisper, palms pressed to the windowpane, watching the trash truck drive away.


Hubby just choked after he bit into a grape and it squirted down his throat….

Not as easy as it looks is it?


Instead of looking for things that divide you look for things that bring you together, like the way you all look for things that divide you.



-Alone time – Might die
-Cool facemasks
-Can horde toilet
paper without
seeming weird
-Might die


Nuts I like:

Nuts I don’t like:


the embarrassment of competing in a rap battle and finding out your opponent is your doctor who does not care about hipaa violations


hello 9-1-1? my girlfriend’s been kidnapped
“stay calm sir, what’s ur girlfriend’s name”
oh she goes to another school u wouldn’t know her


“Chest, chest, chest and chest, chest and chest” – T-Rex singing “Head, shoulders, knees and toes”.


Plot Twist
Nigerian Prince won the Powerball jackpot and he’s emailing everyone now.