@eric10F

Opens a sperm bank that only accepts redheaded donors….

The Ginger Bred House.

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@tastefactory

I have such a bad cold that when I breathe through my nose, it sounds like Marge Simpson sighing/expressing disapproval.

@ChiefTwittler

I like my women so intelligent that it takes me days to realize I was insulted.

@818Newbie

The Bermuda Triangle has been relocated to the space between your car seat and the center console.

@Cheeseboy22

I’ll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn’t just put the dots in shape of the actual letters.

@CYComedy

Is anybody else having trouble logging into my wife’s Facebook account?

@ThRealBallsDeep

I wonder if the guy I’m interviewing knows this isn’t for a cologne model position.

@zachreinert03

If I see someone is too drunk I take their keys. Not for safety, they’re probably blacked out and just won’t remember I stole their car.

@punished_picnic

2018 guy: girls wear so much makeup lol
1018 guy: I can’t even tell who i’m married to because everyone’s face is covered in dirt

@AimeeHelene1

Me (as bridesmaid):
*up at alter holding bouquet*
WAIT! STOP THE WEDDING!

Priest: *stops talking*

Me: *runs down aisle and out of the church to catch ice cream truck*