You said No DMs, but you didn’t say anything about stopping by.
Anyways I’m at the door.
*Opens a window and the wind blows 84 hamburger wrappers from my desk.*
“Oh no! My research!!”
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AMAZON: Your 11 year old niece has a birthday coming up and she loves horses
ALSO AMAZON: do you wanna buy like a sword or a manhole cover or something
Adam: *puts phone face down on the table* hey
Eve: interesting, are you afraid I’ll see a text from another woman
Adam: *rubbing the bridge of his nose* how could that even be possible
Jogging has never helped my memory.
*tries to play a skeletons ribs like a xylophone*
SKELETON: you cant…it’s not- this is a mischaracterization perpetuated by the media
*putting 4 to bed*
Me: we’re going to have a better day tomorrow, right?
Me: I just mean there was too much crying and whining today… so let’s try less crying and whining tomorrow
4: no, I won’t do that
Me: ok, good talk
Today, i tried to run with a mask on, but i couldn’t.
It reminded me of those times when i tried to run without a mask and still couldn’t.
When people ask if I was dropped on the head as a child, my mother’s face turns red and she changes the subject.
Welcome back to another episode of Did I Close the Ziplock Bag Properly?
COWORKER: Hi, this is embarrassing. *whispers* can I borrow a tampon?
ME: Sure, just leave it on my desk when you’re done.