@reallifemommy3
Wanna know what it looks like when a tired mother reaches her breaking point? I just tried to hypnotize my toddler to sleep. She seemed to like it. As soon as I was done she yelled “again”!
@superdadatron
*Opens fridge
*Sees chocolate bar with a note “please don’t eat me”.
*Eats chocolate bar
Now who would want to eat a piece of paper?
You Might Also Like
@reallifemommy3
@rebrafsim
Interviewer: tell me about your leadership skills
Me: YOU tell ME about my leadership skills
Interviewer: holy shit, you’re hired
Me: I’m sorry, we have to let you go
Interviewer: dammit
@daddydoubts
Got into a big fight with my toddler over what powers trains. I said electricity but he insisted it’s carrots. Carrots running trains is literally the hill he’ll die on.
@robfee
Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows (2011) A bunch of adults trash a high school bc a noseless man thinks a child is better than him at magic
@Showerldea
Technically, all national anthems are country music.
@TheTweetOfGod
You call them natural disasters. I call them destructive criticism.
@GrillinChillin9
Mick Jagger: Hey Keith, come hold my new baby.
Keith holding baby, whispers to it: I’m going to out live you too.
@SexyInsomniac
Irony. The opposite of wrinkly.
@UnFitz
Matt LeBlanc is short for his full name, Mattress LeBlanket.
@SamNonTheWiser
The only thing louder than a child denied cake is a child that was given the smaller piece