@markedly
Okay
@superdadatron
*Opens fridge
*Sees chocolate bar with a note “please don’t eat me”.
*Eats chocolate bar
Now who would want to eat a piece of paper?
You Might Also Like
@markedly
@dimplesticks
My 6yo just told me that because I need music to get motivated that makes me ‘radioactive’
@TotallyAllen
My parents: If all your friends jumped off a bridge would you jump off too?
Me as a little kid wearing sunlasses: idk maybe who all is there
@OhNoSheTwitnt
Me: Can’t wait to sit on my front porch with my black cat and frighten children.
Coworker: I love Halloween.
Me: I meant after work today.
@DakDeMarco
@JustinGuarini
Starlord: Galaxy. Superman: Earth. Spiderman: NYC. And then there’s Daredevil micromanaging the shit out of 10 blocks in midtown Manhattan.
@IndecisiveJones
crossbreed every type of dog until all you’re left with is an everything beagle
@sincir3000
why do people with two hands order drinks one at a time?
@jimmytorosian
*phone rings*
Wife: “Quick! Pretend I’m not in!”
Me (a dad): “Hello. Yes my wife is here. Hey, Not In. It’s for you.”
Wife: “….”
@mrtruthandsoul
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?