@fro_vo

orange in the 60s, mus in the 70s, poon in the 80s, wu in the 90s. – the history of tang

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@Gupton68

So, when she said she wanted a ‘fairy-tale’ romance, she didn’t actually want me to eat her grandma or lock her in a tower?

Dating is hard.

@TheAndrewNadeau

The year is 2030. Bakery art is so realistic, literally anything could be cake. The uncertainty has gripped the world in fear. I go to hug my wife for comfort. She is cake.

@FrogAvalanche

“Dad, I cant sleep.”
Dad: [enters chugging a Monster] SLEEP IS DEAD. GET A JOB.
“Dad Im seven-”
Dad: SO WERE THE DWARVES BUT THEY HAD JOBS.

@AnniemuMary

Try a craft you’ve never done so you can get mad at a person you’ve never met.

@crylenol

Hamlet, but starring a pig. We call it: Hamlet. Let me explain

@LurkAtHomeMom

90% of parenting a little girl is chasing her around the house with a hair brush and a ponytail holder.

@AndrewChamings

sometimes the people that hurt us the most are the people with nunchucks

@InigoUnleashed

‘Your place or mine?’

Is the sexiest response to the question:

‘Where shall we bury the body?’