Orange: Knock knock

Apple: Who’s there?

O: Orange

A: Orange who?

O: Orange you glad I didn’t say Banana?

A: Yes! That guy is the WORST!

You Might Also Like


Me: “Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep…”

The Lord: “You still have that?”


Stopped in a country store yesterday and they were not selling any countries. 0 out of 10. Would not recommend.


I always carry a jellyfish in case I need to pee on someone.


Me: The new guy’s a lumberjack?
Boss: Yep
Me: He seems nice…
Boss: STOP
Me: I’ll bet he’s good at…
Boss: DONT
Me: random axe of kindness


*Jesus, bursting out of a chest cavity, spraying the room with blood and viscera*



I confused the words “tinker” and “tinkle” and my neighbor no longer wants help with her computer.


ISAAC NEWTON: i have just discovered gravity
EVERYONE ELSE: hey how come i can’t float around anymore


With trump being a potential candidate I feel like the Simpsons are sitting on their couch watching an episode of us


Friends, I say this to you with tongue firmly in cheek – don’t ever put super glue in your mouth.


Met a guy from Iraq today who grew a full beard as I was meeting him.