Don’t worry, protagonist. I’m sure your ridiculously specific amnesia has nothing to do with the missing member of the royal family who is exactly your age.
[ordering cous cous] just the one cous for me thanks
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NOW: Cauliflower Pizza
THEN: Mashed Potatoes
NOW: Mashed Cauliflower
THEN: Fried Rice
NOW: Cauliflower Rice
NOW: Cauliflower Steak
THEN: Leather Jacket
NOW: Cauliflower Trenchcoat
THEN: A Car
NOW: Cauliflower with 4 wheels glued on.
Relax lady, you can quit giving me dirty looks. I don’t want my own husband, so I sure as hell don’t want yours.
Sure, I could live a pious life so St. Peter lets me through the Pearly Gates. Or I could just crawl under the gate since IT SITS ON A CLOUD
there is nothing wrong with being nice, but there is something wrong with being nice to people.
*hears that my 89 year old neighbor is in a nursing home now*
Flashlight, rubber gloves, and off I go for that shower chair!
*Beats guy over the head with celery.*
Stalking is hard.
The best thing about lockdown is that we’ve been able to potty train our 3 year old.
No pressure to go anywhere
Can stroll around freely with no underwear
Lots of rewards and stickers
And the best part is all this applies to our 3 year old too
I hate when I lose an argument and then seventeen years later I think up a witty come back.
I asked my wife to share her queen sized blanket to which she replied she was a queen and therefore the blanket was already at max capacity