@CantEven101

Origami was invented by a young Japanese child trying to hide his report card.

You Might Also Like

@batkaren

Welcome to Super Villain University. Please refer to the enclosed packet for a sample course offering:

@kyry5

At a business meeting:

“How about SuperCupid?”

“No, expectations will be too high”

“GreatCupid?”

“Lower”

“Uhhh, OKCupid?”

“Brilliant”

@TattleTSister

I wish I could get the hell out of here and move to New Zealand. A Hobbit hole in Bag End would be nice right about now.

@mattZillaaaa

I’m 30 but I still feel like I’m 20
Until I hang out with 20 year olds
Then I’m like no, never mind, I’m 30

@Stonekettle

I liked the old days, when people tried to keep the fact that they were idiots to themselves.

@JessObsess

*At store buying school supplies*
Son: I need hashtag 2 pencils

@shopkins776

I’m 50. If you say you want to be friends with benefits, you better damn well mean full medical and dental with a low deductible

@upidaisy

woke up to a text from my mom about how a wild elephant went into a Sri Lankan hotel and gently wandered around while poking stuff with his trunk