3: *drops cracker, picks up cracker, starts to eat it*
Me: GIVE ME THAT! We don’t eat off of the floor here, this isn’t Target!
Other mom: We only eat organic, gluten free foods.
This mom: My toddler ate the lint off the rug so now I don’t have to vacuum today.
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Me: I think it’s a heart attack
911: Can you call back when you’re sure, we’re watching Walking Dead
teacher: what have you all chosen for your thesis
hippocrates: I’m laying the ground work for centuries of modern medicine
socrates: I am examining what it means to be
ptolemy: uh you guys ever uh notice how those stars look like a bear
What she smoking fam
Rest areas are weird. The guy in the stall next to me has four feet.
No YOUR a grammar nazi!
Does anyone know how to save your game on twitter I’ve been playing for 2 years straight my mom is pissed
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Me: i should tell you i have a little nervous tick
Her: oh that’s okay
Me: Look- *pulling up sleeve* he’s so shy he’s hiding his face in my arm
brain: bounce leg
me: ok that’s fair
brain: now crack knockles