If you guys don’t start appreciating my tweets, I will introduce my mom to Twitter. Don’t make me ruin this for everyone.
Our Ideal candidate:
-Minimum 3,000 years exp.
-Must have 8 PhD’s
80 hrs a week
$7.15 an hour
Must be passionate about work!
You Might Also Like
After 17 years I can say with authority that the key to a long marriage is being too lazy to get up off the couch and set your spouse on fire
I work like this:
I WILL PUNCH A HORSE FOR HIS FEED BAG AND EAT YOUR BABY FOR DESSERT.
Just saw a dolphin with a tattoo of a college girl struggling for individuality and freedom from her middle class parents
Don’t pee on my head and tell me it’s raining, buddy!
(In fact please don’t pee on my head and tell me anything, this was just a metaphor but still)
I can’t remember where I parked my car an hour ago but I can recall how stupid I was at 20. Please God erase that memory & bring back my car
If you hit people hard enough with a tennis racket they turn into waffles.
Interviewer: According to your resume, you’re one of the greatest fiction writers the world has ever known
Me: Yes, I wrote that
Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service?
Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault
Everything brightened up when you came into our presence.
– Food in my refrigerator.