@PleaseBeGneiss

[outside tomb]

John: ok but if we’re being honest Jesus was kind of annoying right?

Disciples:

John:

Disciples:

John:

Disciples:

John: he’s right behind me isn’t he

You Might Also Like

@AnOrangeSNES

If you’re out of wallpaper, you can always resort to using a few rolls of duct tape for that nice silver look.

@brunopieroni

No Amazon, I don’t want to sort stuff by “Price: High to Low,” who are the billionaires who would even make that an option?

@Donna_McCoy

Baby showers are fun until someone has too much champagne and starts a plastic knife fight over a corner piece of cake.

I need a ride home.

@Sickayduh

“Ma’am, you had twins. They are fine and your boyfriend Chad named them”
– Oh no
“This is Debra”
– aww I like that
“And this is Depanties”

@JermHimselfish

Welcome to Earth, where we hate each other and put ketchup on everything.

@Home_Halfway

I love this time of year, where my massive spider webs and the dead guy in my living room are “Halloween decorations” again.

@Try2StopME

My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs…

I’ve been his customer for 6 years.

I had no idea he was a barber.

@nbadag

[commercial]
WOMAN: have u ever wondered what would happen if a car alarm could swim?
NARRATOR: geese

@gabbazaba

manning had to write 500 words about thomas edison, he got his 500 word count pretty quickly: When Thomas Edison was 12 Thomas Edison convinced Thomas Edison’s parents to let Thomas Edison start selling newspapers. (the entire paper is like this!!)

@Pabloayodeji

Nobody is normal on twitter Nigeria 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂