If you’re out of wallpaper, you can always resort to using a few rolls of duct tape for that nice silver look.
John: ok but if we’re being honest Jesus was kind of annoying right?
John: he’s right behind me isn’t he
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No Amazon, I don’t want to sort stuff by “Price: High to Low,” who are the billionaires who would even make that an option?
Baby showers are fun until someone has too much champagne and starts a plastic knife fight over a corner piece of cake.
I need a ride home.
“Ma’am, you had twins. They are fine and your boyfriend Chad named them”
– Oh no
“This is Debra”
– aww I like that
“And this is Depanties”
Welcome to Earth, where we hate each other and put ketchup on everything.
I love this time of year, where my massive spider webs and the dead guy in my living room are “Halloween decorations” again.
My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs…
I’ve been his customer for 6 years.
I had no idea he was a barber.
WOMAN: have u ever wondered what would happen if a car alarm could swim?
manning had to write 500 words about thomas edison, he got his 500 word count pretty quickly: When Thomas Edison was 12 Thomas Edison convinced Thomas Edison’s parents to let Thomas Edison start selling newspapers. (the entire paper is like this!!)
Nobody is normal on twitter Nigeria 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂