HER: sharks can smell blood from miles away
ME: *flossing for the first time in months* lock the door
You Might Also Like
THEY SAY CHRIS BROWN GOT WORST TATTOO EVER! NO AGREE! DRUNK HULK THINK TATTOO GOT WORST PERSON EVER!
Took a poop without my phone. Had no idea what to do with my hands. Did the Macarena. What a day.
Why is it called “reading a book” and not paper view?
My best friend is marrying my husband’s best friend. What could possibly go wrong?
Kids math word-problems should be more realistic, like:
Your car is worth $3000 on a trade-in but you still owe $3700 on it. Then your “check engine” light comes on and the service department says you need a $4600 transmission.
Question: How many towels should you throw in?
HARRY POTTER: 🙁
VOLDEMORT: : (
Her: Your c**k is small
Me: An RV is big until you park it in the Grand Canyon.
It’s actually illegal to see your neighbour washing his car and not say ‘You can do mine next if you want!’.
The first Roman soldier to be paid in salt: “Seems legit”