The mall crowd parts as I shuffle through after waking up naked on the food court floor. “Too pudgy to be a terminator” says one woman.
Pac Man is my favourite video game about my life.
It keeps getting harder and I can’t stop eating everything in sight.
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Thou shalt not winky face smiley another man’s twitter crush.
I couldn’t help but wonder … is Russia trying to help everyone but me?
Some generations will never know having to drive by someone’s house to see if they’re home.
my dog: LEMME OUT
me: you gonna bark?
dog: I HEAR THINGS LEMME OUT
me: what things?
dog: OMG THE WIND LEMME OUT
me: you don’t need to bark at the wind
dog: YES I DO CAN’T YOU HEAR IT BLOWING OUT THERE AND MAYBE IT WANTS TO PLAY OR BLOW THE HOUSE DOWN OR OR OMG LEMME OUUUT
Well it’s that time of the year to go outside and pretend to put up the Christmas lights I never took down from last year.
Don’t tell me where I go when I die, I want it to be a surprise
G: whats this
Noah proudly: a swing set
G: u built a park. I asked for an ark
N: a what?
G: a boat
N: say boat then
Millennials urban dictionary everything… I come from a time when the thesaurus roamed the earth.
*punches a fish* that’s for tsunamis