@PinkCamoTO

Pac Man is my favourite video game about my life.

It keeps getting harder and I can’t stop eating everything in sight.

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@Sickayduh

The mall crowd parts as I shuffle through after waking up naked on the food court floor. “Too pudgy to be a terminator” says one woman.

@RidiculousSheri

Thou shalt not winky face smiley another man’s twitter crush.
-Emojenesis 8:15

@dieworkwear

I couldn’t help but wonder … is Russia trying to help everyone but me?

@kimtopher22

Some generations will never know having to drive by someone’s house to see if they’re home.

@Mom_Overboard

my dog: LEMME OUT

me: you gonna bark?

dog: I HEAR THINGS LEMME OUT

me: what things?

dog: OMG THE WIND LEMME OUT

me: you don’t need to bark at the wind

dog: YES I DO CAN’T YOU HEAR IT BLOWING OUT THERE AND MAYBE IT WANTS TO PLAY OR BLOW THE HOUSE DOWN OR OR OMG LEMME OUUUT

@Tbone7219

Well it’s that time of the year to go outside and pretend to put up the Christmas lights I never took down from last year.

@stuzario

Don’t tell me where I go when I die, I want it to be a surprise

@david8hughes

God: done?
Noah: yea
G: whats this
Noah proudly: a swing set
G: u built a park. I asked for an ark
N: a what?
G: a boat
N: say boat then

@ohmygrapeness

Millennials urban dictionary everything… I come from a time when the thesaurus roamed the earth.