Pacifist? No, I think all oceans are beautiful

You Might Also Like


*answers phone call from boss*



Mr. Trump, who’s your Secretary of State?

TRUMP: To deal with China, one that speaks Mandarin [remembers to appeal to women] or Womandarin


There is far less use of the pogo stick as a mode of transportation than I imagined when I was 10.


“No flying cars yet?”, he wrote from a 2 inch by 4 inch pocket computer instantaneously to subscribers worldwide using only his right thumb.


Just once I’d like to see 25 tiny cars come out of a clown.


Bicyclist’s Widow: He died doing what he loved; Shouting that he had the right of way.


Ace of Base and the Lords of Acid meet in a bar and neutralize each other


When someone RTs me, I get as excited as I used to when I was ten and I got mail


*Calling from the bakery

Me: “Honey, can I get you something: a muffin, eclair, a cupcake?”

Her: “Surprise me!”

Me: “Last summer I got drunk, and had sex with your mother”