@fro_vo: Splinter: my sons i have good news and bad news
Leonardo: what’s the good news
Splinter: after 16 years of training you are ready to leave the sewers
Raphael: what’s the bad news
Splinter: your shells have grown too big to fit thru the manhole
@PleaseBeGneiss: Cop: looks like you’re wearing a seatbelt
Me: safety first :)
Cop: ok *closes port-a-potty door*
@MissHavisham: My son came home and told me a classmate spoiled a huge part of Harry Potter for him, so now I have to meet a 2nd grader behind the bleachers at 3pm with my nunchucks.
@TheToddWilliams: WIFE: Do we have any orange juice?
ME: I don't think so
WIFE: Well do we have any orange juice concentrate?
ME: I AM CONCENTRATING!
@Darlainky: I was having a drink of coffee and didn’t see the pothole in the road, so that’s on me.
@Bandersnaaatch: You gotta know when to hold em
Know when to fold em
Know when to walk away
Know when to run
This concludes your parenting course.
@cravin4: Today my battery went dead on my car key so I had to manually unlock it like the pioneers did.
@EndhooS: [Bee Gees voice]
you can tell by the way I use my walk,
that I stepped in shit,
while in the park
