@SladeWentworth I miss the days when my work wife and my wife wife were different people.
@Smooheed Me: it’s been a while since I did anything embarrassingly clumsy
Universe: give it time
@sofarrsogud It’s at times like this we need to be good to ourselves:
Catch up on some sleep.
Eat your favorite foods.
Watch that boxset you’ve been putting off.
Let your kid have a beer for breakfast.
Make your dog some armor.
@Shade510 If by bandwidth you’re talking about the elastic in the underwear around my waist, then yes…I have a lot of bandwidth.
@GroovyTasia Me: Pikachu, I choose you!
Pikachu: The restraining order says 500 feet
@DogGoing A hostage exchange, except it’s me meeting with my ex to exchange cutlery that has changed houses via school lunches.
@professorkiosk God made humans, but only because there wasn’t anything good to watch on TV.
@awkwardenabled Bit into a beautiful looking strawberry, but it was actually rotten
Anyway, thought of you
@Mom_Overboard I sleep with a knife under my pillow in case someone breaks in and needs to filet a fish
@RickAaron Just saved $60,000 by telling my kid she already graduated from Parallel University.