Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

@kiarasworldd: Someone hacked into my dominos account and redeemed my free pizza

@ItsAndyRyan: Dickens: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Schrödinger: Nice, nice

@HepatitisAtoZ: [hanging Vanilla Ice from a balcony by his ankles]

Vanilla Ice: "dont drop me! ill give you anything! ill sign my royalties over to-"

me: "royalties? i just want more raps about ninja turtles"

@SkinnerSteven: I wonder how many people have moved to Carlsbad, CA just to spite someone named Carl

@AnnietheNanny1: If I refer to myself as, "sauced up," it probably just means I have honey, BBQ and ranch to dip my nuggets in.

@LittleMissAngr1: Karen: I was so desperate for an answer i even consulted a magic 8-ball!

Me: Cocaine is never the answer, Karen

@coolauntV: interviewer: what would you say is your greatest weakness?

me: i’m a slow learner

interviewer: well...that’s not good

me: mannn they said at the last five interviews I went to

@chuuew: ME: I'm much better thinking outside the box

PRISON GUARD: Still no

@TheOnion: Man Who Didn’t Order Anything Online Still Checks Name On Package Just In Case Amazon Sent Him A Little Present

@MantisBlue: Some of y'all missed your appointment with the priest for your exorcism and it shows.