@HenpeckedHal
My brother just found out he’s having another kid. He’s playing it pretty cool, but let’s see how his wife reacts when she finds out.
@HenpeckedHal
@GingerHotDish
My 19 year old refers to the show The Blacklist as “The Adventures of Crime Dad” and now you will too.
You’re welcome.
@Talk_To_The_Hat
Paste is one of those weird things that only seem to exist until Kindergarten and then disappears forever.
@Jandalize
I’m fairly certain my dogs would run away and hide if I’m ever attacked by a leaf.
@Cpin42
A burglar checking the hollowed out space in my Bible and finding a smaller Bible
@DominicCaruso1
Weird how tea bags come with that little fuse sticking out of them—I’ve lit hundreds of them over the years but only a handful have ever exploded
@ACartoonCat
Her: so yeah i’m a palaeontologist, it means i know a lot about dinosaurs basically, do you have a favourite dinosaur?
Me: *visibly sweating* umm…umm…REPTAR.
Her: …
Me: …
Her: …like…like from rugrats?
Me: …he had a wagon
@futwolfhardware
For such an advanced society, why are there no handrails anywhere in the Star Wars universe? 1000 feet in the air, on a 2 foot rail, and you’re just counting on good balance.
@jungle1974
Am getting real tired of your crap…
@blade_funner
ME: *flipping over a saltine like a Tarot card* Oh that’s not good.