I always allow adequate time between workouts to fully recover. I’m going on four years now since my last gym session.
acknowledging public holidays in 2020 like well well well, we get to stay EXTRA home today, woo
Kid: “You know in Minecraft when..”
Dads be like, “Picked out the t-shirt I’ll be wearing every weekend for the next 20 years.”
customer: have you worked here a long time
me, a waiter: 14 years sir
customer: wow ok what do you recommend
me: finishing college
I think it might be my birthday but I deleted my facebook account so I really have no way of knowing.
5-year-old: What happens if you rub butter on a penguin?
HER: what’s your sign?
ME: i’m an asparagus
HER: you mean aquarius
ME: omg whatever, you’re such a caprisun
wife: our beautiful baby girl
me: she’s got your eyes
wife: and your nose
Gimili: and my axe
Every TV commercial right now: “You’re not just a customer, you’re family.”
All of us: “That’s actually worse.”