17 Again is a stupid movie. You dont look that different when you get like 30 years older. If my dad was 17 again I would recognize him and be like “what the heck” immediately. And so would my mother, his wife of 20 years. I am so mad about this on July 24 at 2:15 am.


when i was a kid i had this game called worm church where id bring worms to my room and read them the bible


Got my first date of the year. i mean it’s a court date but I’m dressing up.


When you saw only one set of footprints in the sand, that was when I was carried away by a giant eagle.


What if UFO’s are just Jeff Bezos type guys from other galaxies?


Dance like no ones watching, clean like the cleaning lady is coming tomorrow


My outgoing voicemail message says “How did you get this number?”


If you don’t believe nature abhors a vacuum, you should see how my dog reacts to the Roomba.