Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@thenatewolf: Me: I wonder how a bill becomes a law?
*music plays and the shit on my desk starts singing*
Me: no stop I already looked it up on my phone
@TheTweetOfGod: Never throw somebody under the bus unless you're sure it's moving.
@ColtonCarlyle: My cat loves licking me, but can’t stand when I do it back
@NrouteHQ: *downloading the new earthquake warning app*
*setting to vibrate mode*
@KielyHealey: Me: the only way to kill a zombie is to behead it
Cop [closing cuffs]: none of those people were zombies
Me: and they never will be!
@16bitbulbasaur: cat: *slowly approaches new vase*
me: you don't wanna do that
vase: *pushes cat off the table*
me: i warned you
@distracted_monk: Your skull is only a centimeter thick and other reassurances.
@Marlebean: Cause of death: Zumba
@ItsSamG: Ladies winter is coming and they are going to try to lure you in with hoodies and fireplaces. Don’t fall for it.
I mean I’m probably gonna but the rest of you should stay strong.