@francesformayor

17 Again is a stupid movie. You dont look that different when you get like 30 years older. If my dad was 17 again I would recognize him and be like “what the heck” immediately. And so would my mother, his wife of 20 years. I am so mad about this on July 24 at 2:15 am.

@coolgirl0nline

when i was a kid i had this game called worm church where id bring worms to my room and read them the bible

@Used_to_be_64

Got my first date of the year. i mean it’s a court date but I’m dressing up.

@drchickenberg

When you saw only one set of footprints in the sand, that was when I was carried away by a giant eagle.

@offbeatoliv

What if UFO’s are just Jeff Bezos type guys from other galaxies?

@JenniferJokes

Dance like no ones watching, clean like the cleaning lady is coming tomorrow

@Jake_Vig

My outgoing voicemail message says “How did you get this number?”

@LaqueefaTeen

If you don’t believe nature abhors a vacuum, you should see how my dog reacts to the Roomba.