@traciebreaux

My kids: *arguing* MOM WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE KID

Me: Connor

Kids: The boy next door?

Me: Yep

Kids: We meant out of us

Me: Still Connor

@ozzyunc

I blame the 80s for making me want to transform into a truck instead of a better person.

@bornmiserable

BATMAN’S FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF
• denial
• anger
• bargaining
• dressing up as a bat with your underwear on the outside to fight crime
• acceptance

@_rubdirtonit

haven’t exploited a dead relative for attention yet but it’s on the table

@StorvLovesYou

If I’m ever a lost princess don’t light a whole bunch of lanterns for me because that would be really bad for the environment

@ThatMummyLife

6 woke us up this morning slightly concerned.

6: a squirrel is making some really strange screaming noises on the deck.

Me: *not knowing how much 6 knows* maybe he’s looking for a lady squirrel.

6: like a mating call? I don’t think anyone would find that very attractive.

@OhioMomoftwo

When a child tells you that they have to go potty, you’re about five minutes from too late.