@DothTheDoth
Whenever I’m feeling stressed I like to take a deep breath & think about every mistake I have ever made.
@DothTheDoth
@kieransofar
me: what’s todays criminology class on?
friend: cannibalism
me: [gasping] a hannibal lecture
@WeedlordKrillin
Me: what’s the weather like?
Mom: just open the door and find out
Me: *opens cargo hatch and is sucked out of airplane* it’s
W
I
N
D
ᴰ
ʸ
ʸ
ʸ
@skedaddle74
As I get older I realize my eyesight is not what it used to be.
I saw ‘whole eggs’ and read it as ‘whale eggs’ and for a minute I thought “whales lay eggs?”
@zachreinert0
In high school I was voted class clown because I dragged like three kids into the sewer
@MelvinofYork
Is it just me or does it feel like 2020 is running out of ideas
@Skoog
shaggy: i can’t believe we ate all the chocolate scoob
scooby:
shaggy: scoob?
@ThisLocalHater
Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you still being hunted for sport?
@notmythirdrodeo
Marvel, DC, and the world unite to agree on one SUPERVILLAIN to rule them all….
The Guy Who Determines Snack Food Serving Sizes.
@nutsaremixed
Gangnam style!
But it’s just me putting my pants on in the morning