@traciebreaux
My kids: *arguing* MOM WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE KID
Me: Connor
Kids: The boy next door?
Me: Yep
Kids: We meant out of us
Me: Still Connor
@traciebreaux
@ozzyunc
I blame the 80s for making me want to transform into a truck instead of a better person.
@PossiblyDrunk87
Does refusing to workout count as resistance training?
@bornmiserable
BATMAN’S FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF
• denial
• anger
• bargaining
• dressing up as a bat with your underwear on the outside to fight crime
• acceptance
@noaccountlurker
Oh, you’re Happy? Name the other 6 Dwarves
@_rubdirtonit
haven’t exploited a dead relative for attention yet but it’s on the table
@HatfieldAnne
You want my friends and family rate? That’s double.
@StorvLovesYou
If I’m ever a lost princess don’t light a whole bunch of lanterns for me because that would be really bad for the environment
@ThatMummyLife
6 woke us up this morning slightly concerned.
6: a squirrel is making some really strange screaming noises on the deck.
Me: *not knowing how much 6 knows* maybe he’s looking for a lady squirrel.
6: like a mating call? I don’t think anyone would find that very attractive.
@OhioMomoftwo
When a child tells you that they have to go potty, you’re about five minutes from too late.