yesterday i gave my dog a middle part. have not read one single word of a book
this is why i’m friendless
why is it that whenever i sit alone in my dark room for days at a time consuming ungodly amounts of food without any social interaction im “depressed” and “need to see a therapist” but whenever other people do it they’re “quarantining”
The fastest way to get someone to call you back is to go take a shower.
Quarantine Level: Expert
me: bless me father for i have sinned
mailman: [thru mail slot] what’s it this time
I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don’t know whose side I’m on.
Facebook post : only a heartless person could scroll pa
Me: *Scrolls Past *
have all the brands stopped pretending they’re people? It’s safe to assume Hot Pockets isn’t going to announce it has covid19 tomorrow?
son: can I borrow your tie for my interview
dad: my what
son: I need a tie
dad: one more time
son: *sighs* your business necklace