Whenever I’m feeling stressed I like to take a deep breath & think about every mistake I have ever made.
me: what’s todays criminology class on?
me: [gasping] a hannibal lecture
Me: what’s the weather like?
Mom: just open the door and find out
Me: *opens cargo hatch and is sucked out of airplane* it’s
As I get older I realize my eyesight is not what it used to be.
I saw ‘whole eggs’ and read it as ‘whale eggs’ and for a minute I thought “whales lay eggs?”
In high school I was voted class clown because I dragged like three kids into the sewer
Is it just me or does it feel like 2020 is running out of ideas
shaggy: i can’t believe we ate all the chocolate scoob
Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you still being hunted for sport?
Marvel, DC, and the world unite to agree on one SUPERVILLAIN to rule them all….
The Guy Who Determines Snack Food Serving Sizes.
But it’s just me putting my pants on in the morning