Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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@Fred_Delicious: The strongest cat exists. Somewhere a cat is walking around, completely oblivious that it is stronger than all the other cats.

@LittleMissAngr1: Hair Stylist: *massaging my scalp* how does that feel?

Me: I would crawl through broken glass for you

Hair Stylist: what?

Me: what?

@Ideal_Victoria: I'm awfully single for someone who lost their virginity 7 times in high school

@Ygrene: [to the two wolves inside me]
do you need to go outside and go potty

@GuyBreakup: BF: I’m hungry. Wanna go out to eat?

GF: I look like hell. We can’t go out to eat.

BF: You look good enough to go to Waffle House.

GF: [eyes narrow]

@fro_vo: Cop: we have you surrounded come out with your hands up
Stick Figure: lol
Cop: wait are you surrendering or laughing right now

@climaxximus: [Bear attack]

Me: Thank god bears can't climb trees, I should be safe here.

Bear: *shoots a grappling hook* Think again pal!