Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@Fred_Delicious: The strongest cat exists. Somewhere a cat is walking around, completely oblivious that it is stronger than all the other cats.
@tumblr: Sing it!
@Duchess______: Bad grammar is awful, but bad spelling is worserer.
@LittleMissAngr1: Hair Stylist: *massaging my scalp* how does that feel?
Me: I would crawl through broken glass for you
Hair Stylist: what?
@Ideal_Victoria: I'm awfully single for someone who lost their virginity 7 times in high school
@Ygrene: [to the two wolves inside me]
do you need to go outside and go potty
@GuyBreakup: BF: I’m hungry. Wanna go out to eat?
GF: I look like hell. We can’t go out to eat.
BF: You look good enough to go to Waffle House.
GF: [eyes narrow]
@fro_vo: Cop: we have you surrounded come out with your hands up
Stick Figure: lol
Cop: wait are you surrendering or laughing right now
@climaxximus: [Bear attack]
Me: Thank god bears can't climb trees, I should be safe here.
Bear: *shoots a grappling hook* Think again pal!
@JeffKasanoff: Straight people are cancelled