@Knorg
Getting my second jab today. They’re making me sign a form confirming I’ve been repeatedly told the vaccine won’t allow me to survive being fired from a trebuchet into the tree where the squirrels took my mars bar.
@Knorg
@geauxbraves
I went for a drive but I forgot my glasses. I didn’t even realize I had forgotten them until the guy lying on my windshield said something.
@Writepop
Baby ducks are “ducklings”, baby pigs are “piglets”, and baby humans are “annoying.”
@impaulmccoy
I’m wildly unpopular in dessert circles for my hot hollandaise ice cream sundaes.
@Contwixt
“Trust issues? HAHAHAHAHA”
–Pluto, the former planet
@perlhack
[cannibal restaurant]
server: hi, who’ll you have?
cannibal: just bring me the Bill
@Social_Mime
Some of my friends exercise every day, meanwhile I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.
@GodAnimalBooks
Mountain Goat : )
@JuliaHeinlein
[the last supper]
Jesus (wine drunk): never have I ever… ummmmm… betrayed a friend for money! lol
@WoodyLuvsCoffee
The inventor of the Venn diagram has died. He touched many lives. Some more than others.