@sarabellab123

Being a woman means owning ten bras. One you wear six days a week. One is on emergency reserve in case you have to leave the house on laundry day. And the rest exist to take up space in your already overstuffed underwear drawer.

@Parkerlawyer

My daughter watched a trial of mine today and when it was over (expecting praise and adulation) I said, “Wellllll how’d I do?”

Her, “You sure did lead your witness a lot.”

@Parkerlawyer

If you wanted to know what being at the top of your game looks like…

My husband and I are about to take a nap because we have an 8:30 dinner reservation and we need to nap in order to stay up that late.

@AsteadWesley

if HBO wants me to watch a Game Of Thrones spin off I want a personal apology for season 8. 12 pt font, double spaced, no funny business on the margins

@RCCrew6

So does screaming at my son in Chuck E. Cheese because he won’t share his game tokens with me make me an evil person? Just kidding! I have no clue whose kid this is.

@Writepop

My dog is home alone for the first time today. I wish I knew how he was doing, but he won’t answer my texts.