@adamgreattweet
scary then: a phone call came from inside the house
scary now: a phone call
@adamgreattweet
@shamanhealer
You mean the stick figures on the back of your vehicle is not your kill count?
*slowly scrapes mine off*
@moonstruckinnyc
I always thought people prefer eating chicken with their fingers, and yet, it appears I’m the only one in this elevator with a drumstick in each hand
@AllanForsyth
I’m done travelling by scooter, I moped.
@GrahamKritzer
my boss: Your emails are full of spelling errors. Please watch that
me: not today santa
@GinAndJif
When I was 12, I asked a boy at school out. He said he had a girlfriend, but when they broke up I could be his next girlfriend and tbh I’m still waiting.
@scootergonscoot
Doctor: how do you stay active?
Me: I just jiggle the mouse every 5min
@bloodberry_tart
teens are engaging in a deadly new trend called “niceposting” where they say nice things to each other online
@JuleOfTheNyle
This may take awhile
@ginnyhogan_
No I will not “clean” my “shower.” My shower can shower when I do, or not at all.