@reallifemommy3
There were no suspicious people alerts on nextdoor today so Susie over on Mystic Ave has either been kidnapped or is dead
@reallifemommy3
@DrakeGatsby
Shoplifting condoms call that seizing the means of protection
@Cheeseboy22
Should the hole from my vaccination shot be beeping a day later?
@IndecisiveJones
@colleen_eileen
My Onlyfans is just me drawing venn diagrams and giggling
@bartandsoul
My wife is out of town so I learned how to do laundry who knew clothes didn’t fold themselves?!?
@bestestname
WTF
@dontlookformeh_
My Grandmother is telling me a story of how my Grandfather turned into a sex machine after he got Alzheimer’s bc he thought she was his hot new girlfriend and would tell her, “you’re nothing like that hellcat I was married to” 😂
@English_Channel
me: *sleeping*
pimple: is it my night to emerge?
anxiety: I dunno, why don’t we both come out tonight?
@TommyRainmaker
[15:00]
I’m not really feeling this edible.[15:30]
*trying to order chinese food from starbucks*