ALEX TREBEK: well that’s important work you’re doing; the orphanage probably loves you
CONTESTANT: thank you
TREBEK: Matt, from new york, it says here you once got your hand stuck in a sink, tell us about that
Cop: Do you understand your rights?
NASCAR driver: My what
My dad: you know how you Love Christmas
12 yo me: yes
My dad: How would you feel about two of them
Zebras? Oh, you mean horse referees
me: hello 911
operator: actually you’ve reached 116
me: ok can u tell 911 I’m dangling from a cliff
Me: I’ll see you in court!
Waldo: will you
pennywise the clown taps into the deep rooted fear we all have that the clown who lives in our sewer turns out to be murderous
satan: I HAVE COME TO TAKE YOU TO THE DEPTHS OF H-
me: wow you’re tall
me: how tall are you?
satan: i dunno like 6’6”, 6’11” with the horns?
me: [twirling hair] omg “with horns”! you are SO funny
There must be so many advantages to being a president or a king, but I’d wager that the most exciting of all is never having to carry your own house keys.
waiter: bread for the table?
me: ok fair swap (walks away with basket of bread)