@brynnester Me: Where there’s a will there’s a way
Will: That’s true
Way: Very true
@ShortSleeveSuit All of your holes are looking great
– Croctologists
@DurtMcHurtt *from upstairs* HONEY…WHERE ARE MY BUSINESS PYJAMAS??
@MariasWestSide I usually spend so much time looking for the perfect excuse to cancel plans.. now we all have the same one
@EmmyStar79 Money can’t buy you love, but it can buy you toilet paper.
Which is basically the same thing.
@SladeWentworth I miss the days when my work wife and my wife wife were different people.
@Smooheed Me: it’s been a while since I did anything embarrassingly clumsy
Universe: give it time
@sofarrsogud It’s at times like this we need to be good to ourselves:
Catch up on some sleep.
Eat your favorite foods.
Watch that boxset you’ve been putting off.
Let your kid have a beer for breakfast.
Make your dog some armor.
@Shade510 If by bandwidth you’re talking about the elastic in the underwear around my waist, then yes…I have a lot of bandwidth.
@GroovyTasia Me: Pikachu, I choose you!
Pikachu: The restraining order says 500 feet