Demon: So, we’ve got some mayonnaise and potatoes and a few other random things.
Satan: Excellent. Now mix them all together and call it a salad.
Hell hath no fury like an old lady scolding you for going in the wrong direction down a one-way aisle at the grocery store.
[Me on a Date with my crush]
Me : Will u eat Burger??
Her : No, I’m eating light these days
Me : Waiter! A Burger for me and an LED bulb for this lady.
one time I bought a cd and i thought the guy was going to say ‘have a good night’ but he said ‘do you have a favourite band’ and I said ‘you too’ and then I had to stand and pretend to know about Bono for five minutes while holding a Shania twain album I bought for my mom
thread of this specific and very funny sense of humor:
Has anyone tried throwing 2020 in some rice?
Them: If you ask me…
Me: I didn’t.
13 years of marriage and my husband has never asked me to make him a salad
When does he ask for one? During a pandemic when we’ve run out of vegetables and grocery pick up is in three days
I like you, but I don’t “give you a roll of my toilet paper” like you…