Me: Where there’s a will there’s a way
Will: That’s true
Way: Very true
All of your holes are looking great
*from upstairs* HONEY…WHERE ARE MY BUSINESS PYJAMAS??
I usually spend so much time looking for the perfect excuse to cancel plans.. now we all have the same one
Money can’t buy you love, but it can buy you toilet paper.
Which is basically the same thing.
I miss the days when my work wife and my wife wife were different people.
Me: it’s been a while since I did anything embarrassingly clumsy
Universe: give it time
It’s at times like this we need to be good to ourselves:
Catch up on some sleep.
Eat your favorite foods.
Watch that boxset you’ve been putting off.
Let your kid have a beer for breakfast.
Make your dog some armor.
If by bandwidth you’re talking about the elastic in the underwear around my waist, then yes…I have a lot of bandwidth.
Me: Pikachu, I choose you!
Pikachu: The restraining order says 500 feet