@MomOnFire
I don’t care which way the toilet paper faces. I was raised with real problems.
@Wordesse
Babies recognize their mothers’ voices in the womb so they can selectively block it when they’re older.
@DoYouEvenLif
You never see horses trying to steal our medications.
@RYGdance
8: “Ugh having a mom is so stressful”
– My son when I asked him to hold the door open for me
@CandymanTimTam
Doc Brown: We have to be extra careful not to alter the past or the future!
Also Doc Brown: lmao flying train
@MaidOfBeans
I’d like to time travel for the sake of mankind but more importantly to stop Brussels sprouts from happening.
@PearlsFromMyrna
My nephew Lyle just explained to me the “F” in “F Bomb” stands for “friendship.”
F Bombs for everyone! 😃
@karanbirtinna
After you hit the snooze button five times, the alarm clock should start reciting your Google seach entries at full volume.
@mommajessiec
I’m not saying that my family doesn’t clean but if I come home to the smell of bleach my first assumption would be someone was murdered.
@TheHyyyype
scoring in hockey: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
scoring in baseball: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
scoring in basketball: 2, 4, 6, 8, 10
scoring in tennis: love, 15, 30, 40, turkey sandwich, spider, 57, keanu reeves