I have it on good authority those zombie movies are fake!
Because! A body goes in to rigamortis! It doesn’t just skip that part!
Turns out there’s quite a bit of noise, when entire generations of people learn that the best and only way to send a message is via tantrum.
I put the dog’s drugs in peanut butter so she’ll take them. She loves peanut butter cuz she thinks it tastes good AND it gets her high.
There is no greater evil in this world than somebody who DMs you a picture of their moist slice of cake…knowing that you have no cake.
4 months ago,I started a poultry business with 4 chicken🐣 ,And I’m here to tell you that I successfully ate all of them😂😂
OMG— I JUST GOT INTO HARVARD LAW SCHOOL. THE LOCK WAS SO WEAK— A SMALL HAMMER WAS MORE THAN SUFFICIENT! 💞🔒🛠
I bought a t-shirt for a good cause.
It’s ’cause I wanted the t-shirt.
Astronomers believe a black hole that’s 5 centimeters wide might be orbiting the Sun somewhere beyond Pluto.
We’re not going to try to do anything about it.
And that’s how small problems become large problems.
If I ever become a super hero, my origin story will involve a sourdough starter mishap.
7-year-old: *using her tablet*
Me: You’re not doing your homework.
7: How did you know?
Me: You haven’t complained all morning.