I don’t care which way the toilet paper faces. I was raised with real problems.


Babies recognize their mothers’ voices in the womb so they can selectively block it when they’re older.


8: “Ugh having a mom is so stressful”

– My son when I asked him to hold the door open for me


Doc Brown: We have to be extra careful not to alter the past or the future!

Also Doc Brown: lmao flying train


I’d like to time travel for the sake of mankind but more importantly to stop Brussels sprouts from happening.


My nephew Lyle just explained to me the “F” in “F Bomb” stands for “friendship.”

F Bombs for everyone! 😃


After you hit the snooze button five times, the alarm clock should start reciting your Google seach entries at full volume.


I’m not saying that my family doesn’t clean but if I come home to the smell of bleach my first assumption would be someone was murdered.


scoring in hockey: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

scoring in baseball: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

scoring in basketball: 2, 4, 6, 8, 10

scoring in tennis: love, 15, 30, 40, turkey sandwich, spider, 57, keanu reeves