“When does he start playing the mandolin?”
– me, watching The Mandalorian


I’m Agnostic, which means I’m an Atheist with commitment issues.


My son’s grandparents

They give me a heads up on what they are sending him each year

Aaand I pretend I knew it was his birthday and didn’t forget again.


I recently discovered that people won’t buy any old crap online, so there goes my brilliant and highly original get-rich-quick scheme.

Unrelated, any suggestions as to how else I could dispose of my old underpants?


My Fitbit thanked me for not making him work nearly as hard as the other Fitbits.


“The worst they can say is no” okay but that like devastates me when it happens


Can we stop trashing couples for meeting on the internet?
For centuries it was like, “my cousin in Idaho knows a farmer looking for a spouse, you should write him a letter,” and then you got married.


I’m just a girl, standing in front of a mirror, asking to be possessed by a poltergeist that loves to clean and fold laundry.