I’ve seen more than a few clips on paranormal investigation shows involving ghosts apparently sitting in chairs, so I guess you can still get tired after you’re dead. This shit never ends.


Honestly rude to go all the way into a fish’s domain and then be like “oh no thank you I brought my air from home”


Stopped by a roadside farm where I saw a sign that said “DUCK, EGGS”.

I was contemplating the position of the comma when it hit me.


“it reduces down when you cook it” bold of u to assume i cook spinach when actually i just eat it by the handful at midnight when i realize i forgot to eat any vegetables that day


i went to my first post-vaccinated family party yesterday and instantly i was nostalgic for 2020


I’m really happy because my pill bottle says, Do not iron while taking this medication.


I am *this* close to adopting a bunch of cats and opening a bed & breakfast called HairBnB.


My personal brand is finding a missing earring the day after I threw the other one out