@jlock17

I’ve seen more than a few clips on paranormal investigation shows involving ghosts apparently sitting in chairs, so I guess you can still get tired after you’re dead. This shit never ends.

@iamspacegirl

Honestly rude to go all the way into a fish’s domain and then be like “oh no thank you I brought my air from home”

@PickleRudd

Stopped by a roadside farm where I saw a sign that said “DUCK, EGGS”.

I was contemplating the position of the comma when it hit me.

@perfectsweeties

“it reduces down when you cook it” bold of u to assume i cook spinach when actually i just eat it by the handful at midnight when i realize i forgot to eat any vegetables that day

@itsnashflynn

i went to my first post-vaccinated family party yesterday and instantly i was nostalgic for 2020

@JustBeingEmma

I’m really happy because my pill bottle says, Do not iron while taking this medication.

@CruisinSoozan

I am *this* close to adopting a bunch of cats and opening a bed & breakfast called HairBnB.

@sweetmomissa

My personal brand is finding a missing earring the day after I threw the other one out