@Divergentmama

Me: I’m so bored, I’m gonna deep clean the house.

[5 minutes later]

Me: my phone is in my house, totally counts *wipes screen* opens Twitter.

@sofarrsogud

Panic buying, kids off school, businesses shutting down, stuck in the house with your family for days on end…

It’s basically shitty Christmas.

@Aikiwomannc

Son: *picks up backpack* I’m off!

Me: Where are you going?

Son: The bathroom. I hear it’s great this time of year. Been planning this trip for minutes.

[later]

Me: How was your trip?

Son: Highly recommend it. Good to get away for a while.

@JimmerThatisAll

I’m swilling port like a British butler who had a rough afternoon at the races.

@GrantTanaka

governor said not to attend any gatherings w/ more than 10 people so I guess I’m still on for the smashmouth concert

@WeeMissBea

My fridge just screamed “OH JESUS, WHAT NOW?” at me as I opened its door.

@WeeMissBea

My fridge just screamed “OH JESUS, WHAT NOW?” at me as I opened its door.

@WeeMissBea

My fridge just screamed “OH JESUS, WHAT NOW?” at me as I opened its door.

@xiaraaaaa_

Did the poop challenge on my daughter , 😭🥺🥰 (used peanut butter) but this was her reaction 😂
Gosh I love her sooo much ‼️

@KevinBuffalo

Mon: No gatherings > 500 people.
Tues: No gatherings > 50 people.
Wed: No gatherings > 10 people.
Thur: Stay 6 feet away from people.
Fri: Stay home

Tomorrow: ok, the floor is lava