@LeahsLounge: Marriage: When dating goes too far.
Husband: There’s blood in the entry way. What happened?
Me: I’m decorating for Halloween.
Husband: But It’s real blood.
Me: *continues whistling*
@kibblesmith: Well my name's Harry Potter and I'm here to say
That half of my movies looked wet and gray
@LoveNLunchmeat: Arguing with strangers on the internet is like yelling at a parking meter. I mean, I still do it sometimes, but nobody wins.
@ItsSamG: He said he likes curvy women and what my man wants, my man gets
*eats 14th Oreo cookie*
@Lisabug74: You ever eat fish and chips at the aquarium and get the feeling you're being watched?
@LostFelicia: My husband reprogrammed my radio stations to country so I pulled over and set the car on fire.
@PinkCamoTO: The next time my husband asks me where something in the house is, I'm turning it into a scavenger hunt.
@_whatwhatwhat_: gf: don't tell my dad you sell drugs
gf's dad: what do you do
me: i give out free drugs