@FeelingEuphoric

DAD: mommy and I are just having a little fight

KID: are you…gonna get a divorce?

DAD: damn, that thought never occurred to me. That’s a good idea

@ThatThunderMan

“Do what your gut says”

– well, right now , its Telling me i need to stop eating Pizza

@sock_holliday

A remake of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, but it’s targeted towards adults and takes place in a cheese factory

@mom_tho

My favorite sound in the world is my kids laughter.

A close second is when their breathing changes indicating they’ve fallen asleep thus giving me permission to stare at my phone peacefully

@SentenceReduced

Did you know most countries make you keep your shirt on during all you can eat ribs night?

@Tobi_Is_Fab

I woke up this morning with my 4-year-old in my face, nose to nose, asking why people have skeletons.

@MissSassy_Pants

Boy are you an automatic faucet? Just a slight hand movement and you’re spraying all over me.

@RodLacroix

One of the kids just asked for family game night like we weren’t already fed up with each other enough as it is