@tiemoose waiter: would you like a soup or salad?
clark kent: [laughs nervously] a super salad? i’ll just have a regular salad please
waiter: alri-
clark kent: [loudly] a regular salad for a regular man
@tiemoose 
@Geolololol Me pretending I’m a dog to trick the coronavirus
@markedly How many steps are you guys getting lately for me it’s 7
@TheToddWilliams ME: Should I sneeze into my hand?
DOCTOR: No, sneeze into your elbow
ME: Can I shake hands with people?
DOCTOR: No, bump elbows with them
ME: …
DOCTOR: …
ME: …
DOCTOR: Let me get back to you on that last one
@krisv_723 Me: Let’s role play. You be a jogger out for a run, & I’ll be the body you stumble across.
Him: So you’re planning on just laying there, like always.
@momtransparent1 Check on your friends stuck in quarantine with kids that never stop talking.
We are NOT ok.
@donttouchjames hulk hogan: can i get a taco brother
scientist: that’s not possible
@MichaelRyanRuiz Just weighed myself. I’d strongly advise against y’all doing that.
@TheIntComShow Me: Coke please
Waiter: Is heroin okay?
@Kateness8 My Quarantine Routine:
8:30 get woken up by dogs
8:40 let dogs out
8:52 let dogs in
11:51 let dogs out
12:20 let dogs in
4:47 let dogs out
4:59 let dogs in
7:14 let dogs out
7:38 let dogs in
8:16 let dogs out
8:18 let dogs in
10:20 let dogs out
10:25 let dogs in