@TheAlexNevil

“Wow, haha, this is awkward. I didn’t think anyone was home. Uh…oh well…bears gotta maul…amirite?”

@DeadLioness

There is “Tea” in Team and I am not sure what I am trying to say here but it’s very inspirational.

@LurkAtHomeMom

Husband: We need to stop spending so much money.

Me: *fluffing the pillows on the dogs’ new paw patrol beds* not sure what you mean by that but okay.

@TweetPotato314

[first day at the cia]

me: where’s the chandelier

boss: what chandelier

me: you know 🎶 party girls don’t get hurt 🎶

boss: that’s sia

me: i know how it’s pronounced i work here

@CafeinatedBacon

Jesus said if a man strikes you, to turn the other cheek

…but the rest of the instructions are, plant foot, use your legs and throw a right hook back!!

– my Dad

@aotakeo

ME: today will be a good day

PINKY TOE SOCK SEAM: lol

@mommajessiec

My baby is now a toddler. Everything up is now down. On the floor. She’s trashing the place.

@SteveMartinToGo

So I guess pigeons are actually wealthy: “Racing pigeon sells for record $1.9 million after frantic bidding war.”