@TheAlexNevil
“Wow, haha, this is awkward. I didn’t think anyone was home. Uh…oh well…bears gotta maul…amirite?”
@DeadLioness
There is “Tea” in Team and I am not sure what I am trying to say here but it’s very inspirational.
@LurkAtHomeMom
Husband: We need to stop spending so much money.
Me: *fluffing the pillows on the dogs’ new paw patrol beds* not sure what you mean by that but okay.
@MarieLoerzel
Him: Where’d you get your red hair from?
Me: A box.
@TweetPotato314
[first day at the cia]
me: where’s the chandelier
boss: what chandelier
me: you know 🎶 party girls don’t get hurt 🎶
boss: that’s sia
me: i know how it’s pronounced i work here
@CafeinatedBacon
Jesus said if a man strikes you, to turn the other cheek
…but the rest of the instructions are, plant foot, use your legs and throw a right hook back!!
– my Dad
@aotakeo
ME: today will be a good day
PINKY TOE SOCK SEAM: lol
@mommajessiec
My baby is now a toddler. Everything up is now down. On the floor. She’s trashing the place.
@dinoman_j
@SteveMartinToGo
So I guess pigeons are actually wealthy: “Racing pigeon sells for record $1.9 million after frantic bidding war.”