@mom_tho
when my four year old asked “mommy does a snowman have 3 balls?” I realized my biggest problem is im just not, nor will i ever be, mature enough to have kids
@TheHyyyype
me: so.. you know how you sometimes misplace stuff
wife: where’s the baby
@BaseballBrit
British people react to the @BBC posting baseball content on twitter… 😭
@Ten_Toes_7
I think we’ve officially regressed back to medieval peasants. All we do is bake bread, revolt, and avoid plagues
@secretHT1
You’re not officially a teacher unless someone you live with has told you that they’re not one of the children in your class and you can’t speak to them like that.
@ShouldHaveCat
@bornmiserable
identifying as an airline so my bank will give me several billion dollars
@AndreyasAsylum
I don’t trust anyone who says “peeps” and isn’t talking about the candy.
@NVMemes4Liberty
@clichedout
nurse: do u want a pill for anxiety
me: no need i already have it