@BreBiondi

On Amazon looking for a cat water fountain and 😂😂😂

@pixelatedboat

Guy at the Acme Corporation: Ah, some dog in Arizona wants to buy a rocket launcher. I’ll send him a really shitty one

@tchrquotes

Nobody in this meeting knows I have a McChicken in my pocket.

@katie_abraham

There is no App,
To Replace your Lap!

Read to your child.

#Mothersday #booklovers

@VeryBadLlama

nasa employee: oh hey jeff you’re back early

jeff bezos: moon’s unionized

nasa employee: what?

jeff bezos: *loading a pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s unionized