@craigrachel

The dogboner /Neil degrasse Tyson situation has been an elaborate ruse all so Michael hale could claim on gawker that he has a girlfriend

@KevinFarzad

Why would you name your human child Hunter? Hunter is a profession. That’s like naming your kid Dentist.

@PinkCamoTO

“Turtle Power” is not an appropriate response when HR asks you how you plan to meet your objectives this year. Apparently.

@RidiculousSheri

Him: What’s your fantasy, baby

Me: Me, you and my cat wearing matching sweatersWHERE ARE YOU GOING I HAVEN’T EVEN TOLD YOU ABOUT THE NACHOS

@tastefactory

“YOU HAVE A CUT ON YOUR FINGER YOU HAVE A CUT ON YOUR FINGER YOU HAVE A CUT ON YOUR FINGER” – salt

@MableGertrude

Why would you be scared to get Ebola? You haven’t left your couch since 2011.

@theewren

Stars! They’re just like us! Gaseous and dying

@SirEviscerate

*accidentally uses flash while trying to take pic of funny looking person on the bus*

*makes distant thunder noises with mouth*