just spilled alphabet soup on my keyboard. I’m so confused
The dogboner /Neil degrasse Tyson situation has been an elaborate ruse all so Michael hale could claim on gawker that he has a girlfriend
Why would you name your human child Hunter? Hunter is a profession. That’s like naming your kid Dentist.
“Turtle Power” is not an appropriate response when HR asks you how you plan to meet your objectives this year. Apparently.
Him: What’s your fantasy, baby
Me: Me, you and my cat wearing matching sweatersWHERE ARE YOU GOING I HAVEN’T EVEN TOLD YOU ABOUT THE NACHOS
“YOU HAVE A CUT ON YOUR FINGER YOU HAVE A CUT ON YOUR FINGER YOU HAVE A CUT ON YOUR FINGER” – salt
Why would you be scared to get Ebola? You haven’t left your couch since 2011.
My rap name is “NO PLANZ.”
Stars! They’re just like us! Gaseous and dying
*accidentally uses flash while trying to take pic of funny looking person on the bus*
*makes distant thunder noises with mouth*