If you love someone just tell them. Or get drunk and text them 75 times, that’s practically the same thing.
I predict that in the year 2050 the only people who will have tramp stamps will be grandmas. Thus they will be referred to as granny stamps.
I’m gonna make a photo editing type program that makes you look like a Hobbit and call it Frodoshop.
Stabbed myself in the eye with a yellow pen and now everything looks all Instagramy.
Growing up, I had lots of nicknames but my best would always be ‘Officer! That’s him over there’… It gave me my sprinter’s physique.
It’s 450 BC. Socrates is doing a keg stand at a philosopher frat party. Gets the nickname SoCRAYtes. Nobody takes him seriously ever again.
I put an energy drink in my hummingbird feeder, now all my hummingbirds are going back in time and returning with tiny top hats.
I need professional help. A chef and a butler should do it.
4yo doctor visit:
Doc: no more than 30 mins for 4yo on the iPad. I’d rather he play with mud.
Me: where do u download mud?
This one time I swallowed a gum and my mom told me that “it stays in your system forever,” so I swallowed a table to stick it under it.