Sometimes it’s nice to feel another body pressed up against your own, even if rigor mortis has already set it.


So when people say they religiously do something. Does that mean they do it really hypocritically and fairy tale like?


First, that jerk cut me off in traffic, then he stole my parking space, and then his stupid car got paint on my key!


No recovering from getting your arm stuck in a Pringles can on a first date.


I don’t have a swimmer’s body. I have more of a drowning to death body. #Olympics


How about instead of shaking hands we nod at each other and that way we both won’t have to wash our hands?


If you’re hot I’m going to follow you. nnnnJust like I do on twitter.


I dream of living in a world where men are judged not by the color of their skin, but by the contents of their iPod.


I’m so out of shape, I can’t even run away from my insecurities.


Saw a guy with a barcode tattoo on his neck. Scanned it with my RedLaser app & he couldn’t believe I found him cheaper on 3 online stores