@KKAlThani

I pity those who feel the need to brag about themselves to get people’s attention. I hate them more than the scratch on my Lamborghini.

@GuyAdvisor

Remember, Kids… If you can’t say anything nice, well, it’s probably hilarious and worth getting into trouble over anyway.

@Hormonella

If pedicures were called toe jobs, men would get them, too.

@Thedudish

To make a mistake is human. To admit a mistake is stupid.

@SteelCityDawn

A butterfly just landed on the tip of my cigarette & exploded.nWhat in the hell do they put in butterflys?

@chagger73

My ex told me I’d never find another woman like her. nnI don’t think she was expecting the high 5 and happy dance I did right after.

@BangGanged

I slept on the sofa last night which is weird because I’m not even married.

@maybenotstef

Is there a morning after pill to erase all the texts from the night before?

@Shock_Monster

I know a certain right hand that is going to be getting VERY lucky tonight…