@meat_tornado_

write your suicide note in frosting on a cake so no one can eat it and people will still hate you even though you are dead

@cdncyn

I changed my name in my daughters phone to God….
I texted her and said
“I saw that”
You should of seen her face
Priceless

@farleftcoast

Grapes for breakfast it is!

Beautiful, fermented, aged, liquified grapes.

@Squizbot

I would never cheat in a relationship
because that would require two people finding me attractive.

@TeflonPawn

Remove all the poles if you don’t want me stripping, Mr. Bus Driver.

@DVSblast

A tragic kissout between police and suspects leaves over 15 innocent bystanders believing in love again

@Midgetspar

I’ll grow my beard out just so I can knock on a strangers door & whisper, “I’m here to pick your kid up for prom. Either one. I don’t care.”

@itweetmaya

If Obama wins I’m leaving the country. If Romney wins I’m leaving the country.

This is not a political Tweet I just want to travel.

@NintenDom

My favourite part about playing video games is probably thwarting evil. You never get to thwart anything in real life. I like to thwart.