@97Vercetti

me after I accidentally killed myself with bleach fumes but at least my bathroom is squeaky clean

@ColeNoorda

(Dec. 31)
I’m going to eat healthier

(Jan. 1)
Why does McDonald’s breakfast close so early?

@Ant_F3ltz

Why are the boxes of Apple products made better than their cords?…

@MasterOfFury

It’s finally mandatory for people to stay 6 feet away from me.

@_little_old_me

According to my email junk folder, I am a very successful Bitcoin trader.

@BipolarBearDick

I think illegal drugs are just the government trying to teach the metric system on the sly.