You know in my forty something years I’ve learned a few things
1. Never look a llama in the eye while laughing
2. Always put on clean underwear before going out
3. Never snort black pepper
4. Always be kind
me: fill her up
him: that’ll be $20
me: *taking the money* thanks
I just learned that ratatouille is a meal and not just a Pixar movie.
Lucius Malfoy: Who on Earth are you?
John Mayer: (holding a sock) Your Dobby is a wonderland.
Me: Where there’s a will there’s a way
Will: That’s true
Way: Very true
All of your holes are looking great
*from upstairs* HONEY…WHERE ARE MY BUSINESS PYJAMAS??
I usually spend so much time looking for the perfect excuse to cancel plans.. now we all have the same one
Money can’t buy you love, but it can buy you toilet paper.
Which is basically the same thing.
I miss the days when my work wife and my wife wife were different people.