@JimmyTheThing
Gay or straight, No state should legally recognize a marriage if they don’t serve alcohol at the wedding.
@LarryNow
“I sure hope Pitbull and Nicky Minaj do an album together!” – said no one ever.
@StellaRtwot
When I hear “This call is being monitored for quality assurance” I think “Cool, let’s see how bad this person wants their job.”
@Dirty_Naomi
I’ve decided to retire on Monday & live off my savings.
Don’t know what I will do on Tuesday though?
@procharged94
Pretty disappointed to see that some of you lived through the night.
@shiksaaa
Fabulous Prime: The Gay Transformer.
@MissBamantha
Nothing in the history of the English language has backfired more than the phrase “calm down.”
@LuvPug
I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
@TJ_TheMenace
Her: Sir, you account has been hacked.
Me: Twitter?
Her: No. Your Bank acc.
Me: Ooooh Thank God.
@aPunch2theJunk
HAVE SOME FUN WITH YOUR LIFE:
Whisper “You should have killed me when you had the chance” to the person in the bathroom stall next to you.