@teacup_giraffe

Walk up to the guy with a popped collar and spiked hair & say “What’s up, Chad?” & he’ll be all “Whoa… How’d you know my name, bro?”

@CarolinaSong

BUT YOU SAID IF I WANTED TO BE YOUR LOVER, I HAD TO GET WITH YOUR FRIENDS!

@StellaRtwot

6 pack abs on a guy are nice but it probably means that he won’t get drunk & rob a convenient store of cheese curls w/me at 3am, so no.

@LLCoolJeffrey

Hobbies include:
1. Crying about the past
2. Procrastinating in the present
3. Worrying about the future

@ShoutingGoddess

I’ve done a few things I’ve been ashamed of, but at least I never played FarmVille.

@weinerdog4life

Sorry I ate your frisbee bro, I thought it was a tortilla, I like to eat tortillas I find at the park.

@alymoemaly

I lost my voice so basically I’m every mans dream girl right now.

@JayElem00

I’m just one more bad decision away from my own reality show.

@Brianhopecomedy

*Puts on muscle shirt*

*Looks in mirror*

Maybe it takes a few minutes to kick in.