You’re hiking. Smokey the Bear appears smoking a cigar. He nods, flicks it into a pile of leaves and smiles, “No one will ever believe you.”


Call me maybe by Carly Rae Jepson is possibly the catchiest song I’ve ever heard lol


First, there was Planking, then Owling and Milking, now there’s Harlem Shaking. If the next trend could be Thinking, that would be great.


It took 11 years but hubby can finally read me like a book.

A Greek book. Read upside down wearing a blindfold. It’s a vast improvement.


A nation cheers as Bigfoot is finally found. “We just yelled his name,” said the head explorer. “Can’t believe no one thought of that.”


Wow the weather sure is getting cool *A cloud rolls by wearing sunglasses and smoking an unfiltered cigarette*


Call your boring friend Simon, “Sighmon” he’ll never know the difference and you can laugh about it with your cool bros over beers.


I’m doing my own taxes so I’ll probably be in jail this time next year.


Do not squander your short time on earth acquiring worldly possessions. Instead, try to get laid a lot.