Three people I never mess with:n1- PMSing women.n2- Truck drivers.n3- PMSing truck drivers.


Emotions don’t scare me. People who manage to hide theirs completely, do.


If the voices in my head had a British accent, I would do what they say more often.


what’s cool about Mitt Romney is that when you put politics aside he’s still a genuinely detestable person


Ladies: We barely pay attention when you are speaking directly AT us. What makes you think we will pick up on a subtweet?


My boyfriend asked for a dirty pic last night, I was able to get my whole kitchen in the shot. That should last him a while! He’s so weird.


If you truly want my undivided attention start to tell me something then say never mind


Filming my own version of “Taken” using cats. My cat will play Liam Neeson and the red dot from a laser pointer is his daughter.


Sending 17 text messages explaining why you’re not crazy seems a little counterintuitive.