@Mouthy_

Three people I never mess with:n1- PMSing women.n2- Truck drivers.n3- PMSing truck drivers.

@SilverKick

Emotions don’t scare me. People who manage to hide theirs completely, do.

@okmatchhead

If the voices in my head had a British accent, I would do what they say more often.

@fart

what’s cool about Mitt Romney is that when you put politics aside he’s still a genuinely detestable person

@Shock_Monster

Ladies: We barely pay attention when you are speaking directly AT us. What makes you think we will pick up on a subtweet?

@browneyegirl9

My boyfriend asked for a dirty pic last night, I was able to get my whole kitchen in the shot. That should last him a while! He’s so weird.

@Pierre__4

If you truly want my undivided attention start to tell me something then say never mind

@trevso_electric

Filming my own version of “Taken” using cats. My cat will play Liam Neeson and the red dot from a laser pointer is his daughter.

@PrincessAlexx_

Sending 17 text messages explaining why you’re not crazy seems a little counterintuitive.