My best relationship advice: Make sure you’re the crazy one.
“Are there drug dealers on Twitter?” Asking for 522 friends.
Cops: You were driving while intoxicated nnMe: I was in no condition to walk
I don’t know why this driver threw his hands up and asked what I was doing. I thought it was pretty clear I was cutting him off.
Now that I’ve removed my windshield wipers I shouldn’t be getting anymore parking tickets.
My wife is a psycho, this tweet isn’t a joke its a cry for help.
I walked past a lady in her car with convertible down. She locked the door out of fear. So I smacked her in the back of the head & ran way
if you meet an american who knows anything about the metric system, you have met a drug user.
Forgot my phone and had to write my tweets on paper and pass ’em around at the meeting. nnDidn’t get any stars. nGot RT’d to HR.
Define “no more Twitter or I will leave you.”