You wouldn’t hate anything about yourself if the world hadn’t taught you how.
Alcohol is best served.
I don’t get how people still get attacked by sharks. DON’T THEY HEAR THE MUSIC?
You say tomato, I say that’s a weird thing to say for no reason. We were just sitting here quietly, and you’re all “tomato.” You can leave.
If anyone needs any morals, I have some I’m not using.
Feeling sad because my hamster died… Well he’s not ‘technically’ dead yet, but I ran out of food so it’s really just a matter of days.
Bartender: “Do you want a drink, miss?”nnMe: “What are my choices?”nnBartender: “Yes or No.”
I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that the worst time to have a heart attack would be during a game of charades.
Currently accomplishing an astonishing amount of nothing, at a blistering rate.
Just got out of the shower and lotioned up Unfortunately I’m not a chick so this won’t get 624 faves