You wouldn’t hate anything about yourself if the world hadn’t taught you how.


I don’t get how people still get attacked by sharks. DON’T THEY HEAR THE MUSIC?


You say tomato, I say that’s a weird thing to say for no reason. We were just sitting here quietly, and you’re all “tomato.” You can leave.


If anyone needs any morals, I have some I’m not using.


Feeling sad because my hamster died… Well he’s not ‘technically’ dead yet, but I ran out of food so it’s really just a matter of days.


Bartender: “Do you want a drink, miss?”nnMe: “What are my choices?”nnBartender: “Yes or No.”


I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that the worst time to have a heart attack would be during a game of charades.


Currently accomplishing an astonishing amount of nothing, at a blistering rate.


Just got out of the shower and lotioned up Unfortunately I’m not a chick so this won’t get 624 faves