@shutupmikeginn: 346 character anecdote

@AimeeHelene1: *slowly walking* *sees kid out of corner of my eye* Me: *walks faster* Kid: *walks faster* Me: *running at the swings, screaming* MIIIIIINE!

@TheMichaelRock: Sorry I shot your SUV but it's deer season, I saw the antlers and I panicked.

@pancake_puns: did you know the official veterinary term for your cat eating something it shouldn't is "dietary indiscretion" which absolutely sounds like a cat politician trying to downplay its irresponsible past

@wettbutt: *wakes up the guy next to me* wow theres a sleepy boy here on this plane haha. Im on business myself. tryin to see if iceland is made of ice