Let’s remove all the Warning Labels and thin out the herd.
[paramedic working extremely hard to bring me back] we can’t let this guy’s last words be despacito
You Might Also Like
“I don’t want to disappoint you”
First of all, I support Arsenal
Girls on Facebook call it, “The Walk of Shame.”
Girls on Twitter call it, “The Strut of Satisfaction”
My wife and I asked my son who he loves most. He pointed all around. I said he had to choose, then he told us he was pointing at the wifi.
Bad Coroner: This guy you brought in a few days ago, I think I know how he died. The last thing he ate was spaghetti with bullets in it.
ME: excuse me did you say this was non-GMO
WAITER: yes that’s right
ME: [pointing to my alphabet soup] there’s like a dozen of them in there
A German arriving at Orly airport in Paris.
Customs officer: Occupation?
German: Nein, just visiting.
SON: what ya reading?
DAD: a huge book on podiatry
SON: how long is it?
DAD: it’s about a foot
judas: honestly jesus is the coolest dude ever i hope he lives forever
jesus: worst movie ive ever seen? Space Jam
judas: yo what the f
6 to his brother: Hey man, all I want is some oatmeal and a nap.
It’s a joy raising an 80 year old man.