@charliecapen: Parenting is a lot like a Tarantino film. Lot of questions and violent screaming.
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@JohnLyonTweets: *offers chair for $25 at garage sale; no takers* *glues old gears and cogs to chair* *sells "steampunk sitting contraption” on eBay for $800*
@_cingraham: So, a shipment of crickets for the lizard arrived via FedEx today. It was my first time ordering bulk crickets off the internet, and I naively assumed that they would be in like, a bag or some other contraption to facilitate easy transfer to another container. They were not.
@GregHenchman: If I had a bodyguard, I'm pretty sure he'd just spend most of his time sighing and saying "Don't eat that..."