@reallifemommy3

Parenting is a lot of shouting things like: IF YOU GET YOURSELF STUCK IN A BOX, YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO MOVE UNTIL I GET A PICTURE!

You Might Also Like

@TheBoydP

My wife says she can breakdown cardboard packaging for the recycling bin better than I can. I think I will just let her have that one.

@drankturpentine

ME: *falling in love with my karate instructor* how about we turn this roundhouse into a roundhome?

KARATE INSTRUCTOR: *roundhome kicks me in the gut*

@ThugRaccoons

Me: I’d like to get this prescription filled

Pharmacist: This is a recipe for chicken marsala

Me: What time should I pick that up?

@alkemp57

I’ve just invented a perfume made from holy water
Eau my God

@Darlainky

I’m wearing my brand new all white Nikes today, so please respect my personal space by extending it an additional 2 feet.

@Bob_Janke

I found an extra $9 in the bank! Get dressed baby we’re going to Little Caeser’s!

@KissabiX

[sees a lion and a witch come out of a wardrobe]

Me: what have you been up to in there?

Lion: Narnia business

@SamuelHLowe

Fencing proves that with enough rules even a sword fight can be boring as hell.

@pant_leg

the government should give us each $8,000 not because that’s how much a batman pinball machine costs it’s for a different reason