Parenting means you will never say “What?!” again without sounding annoyed.

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COVID-19 helping people realise that some meetings can be emails.


Been to the hospital to get a mole checked. Apparently they all look like that & I should’ve just left it in its hole in the garden.


If you’re ever lost in the woods, try to find a bear to kill.

Their claws will provide four sweet breakfast pastries.


Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they’re singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.


A fun prank to pull on a neighbor is to introduce a species of invasive grass into his lawn.


Grew up in a neighborhood so tough, all the kids put onions in their ‘no tears’ shampoo.


asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. asked them the same thing until i got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life


A 5 day juice diet. They said I would “feel it” working in just 5 days. They were right, I’ve never felt more hungry in all my life.


The biggest myth about travel is “packing light” – don’t bother! Light is available from the sun and artificial sources worldwide.