@WakeVII

Parents: Knock knock.
Me: Who’s there?
Parents: Mom and dad.
Me: Mom and dad who?
Parents: Exactly, you’re adopted son.
;'(

You Might Also Like

@DanMentos

Mickey: ok but that’ll be $20 extra
Goofy: Done.
*Mickey puts on bow and heels*

@SardonicTart

*Vacuums for three minutes*

“Oh God I can’t keep up with this house”

@tararose711

Pro tip: never tell a three-year-old that you’re going to Disney unless you plan on leaving that very second.

@FauxPelini

Sorry but why wasn’t Jesus suspicious when he got invited to the “Last Supper”

@PayMeInTacos

Rent should be due every 90 days, every 30 is dramatic. Let’s riot.

@DevilryFun

I got a head start on decorating for Halloween by not dusting the last six months.

@VerifiedDrunk

Ever talk to someone so stupid you can actually hear them misspelling words?

@AristotlesNZ

8yo: Ghosts real?
Me: No!
4yo: I heard groaning last night
8yo: & a bed squeaking and moaning
4yo: What was that?
Me: ..
Them: ..
Me: Ghosts